Dying Declaration
by sherlollyshipperalltheway
Summary: Spencer gets shot, and Derek, thinking he will never get another chance, confesses his feelings. Spencer's response is not what he expected.


The lights in the hospital were too damn bright for Derek's tear-stricken eyes. The rest of the team members were sitting quietly, sobbing lightly, or pretending to read the waiting room magazines. They were all trying not to let Derek know that they were stealing glances at him, but he was still acutely aware as he sat rigidly in a plastic chair closest to the waiting room door. The stares of his teammates made him ever aware of what had happened an hour earlier when Spencer was lifted into the ambulance. If he wasn't so worried about his friend, he would have been embarrassed by what he had said before the paramedics closed the ambulance doors. As it was, though, he was frustrated. He was frustrated by the worried looks the team was giving him. How could they be thinking about him at a moment like this. This was about Spencer. They were supposed to be focusing on Spencer.

Emily tapped Derek on the shoulder and he shivered a little because he hadn't noticed her standing beside his chair. "Walk with me?" she asked. She looked worried, but her eyes didn't hold the same pity as the others' did, so he let out a breath and agreed with a nod.

They walked around the white, sterile hallways of the hospital's third floor in silence until Emily said, "He heard you, you know. Before they put him in the ambulance."

Derek swallowed hard and turned his head towards the wall to avoid breaking down in sobs. When the urge curl up in a ball on the hospital floor subsided, he looked at Emily softly, as if to thank her for saying what he needed to hear. "I hope so, Prentiss. I really hope so." The tears returned, slowly and gently this time, and Emily wrapped him up in a big hug. Derek tensed at first at the gesture of support, but let himself cry silently into Emily's shoulder. "Do you think he'll make it?" he asked a few minutes later. His voice was hoarse from crying and the question came out as barely a whisper.

Tears sprang to Emily's eyes when she heard the pain in Derek's voice. She wanted to say that she thought Reid would be alright, that he was strong, a fighter, but he couldn't bring herself to lie to her friend. She didn't know the statistics of surviving a gunshot to the neck- 'of course Spencer would know,' she thought with a pang- but whatever they were, she knew they weren't good. "Spencer loved- loves you too. So much," she said instead, feeling Derek wince when she accidentally used the past tense.

Derek broke their hug and looked at his friend incredulously. "Really?" he gasped, the tears stopping momentarily. "How do you know?"

"A girl can tell, Morgan," said Emily, trying her best to give him a small smile. In ended up looking like a pained grimace, but Derek understood what she meant. "The way he looks at you when you talk, and the content look on his face when you ruffle his hair practically scream his love for you. It's pretty sweet, to be honest." She wrapped her arm around his waist and pulled him close as she led the way back to the waiting room.

When they got back to the waiting room, everyone was up out of their chairs. Derek braced himself for the news he wasn't ready for, but instead, Garcia came running at him and gave him the biggest hug he'd ever received from her. "He's gonna be okay!" She practically screamed it in his ear, but he didn't care one bit. "We've all seen him and he looks...well, he doesn't look great...but he looks alive, and that's all we need right now." Derek nodded in response.

Meanwhile, Emily had disappeared into Spencer's hospital room, and Derek quickly untangled himself from Garcia's grasp and followed her. He paused at the door and saw Spencer half-heartedly smirking and pointing at Emily's tears. "This is what it feels like to think your friend has died, Prentiss."

"Never gonna live it down, am I, huh Spencer?" she said, laughing so he knew she was just joking. She knew he had forgiven her a while ago.

He reached for her hand. "Last time I mention it. Promise," he said with a look on his face that suggested he wouldn't be keeping that promise.

"Good to have you back, smart-ass." Emily turned around and saw Derek quietly waiting his turn. "I'll give you two some privacy," she said, winking at Derek, who just gave her a lazy smirk.

When he noticed that he was alone with Derek, Spencer seemed to panic. His hands tensed into fists and he directed his gaze to a box of surgical gloves on the wall. "Kid, I-" And then Reid started coughing violently, causing a group of nurses to come in to check on Spencer and shoo Derek out to the waiting room.

After a few minutes, a nurse came back out and confirmed that Spencer was doing fine, he was just a little worn out. As Derek was about to go back and try to ta talk to his friend again, the nurse put her hand up and explained that Spencer had requested to be left alone at the moment. Derek must've looked crestfallen, because she followed with, "And I agree with him. He really needs to get some sleep. It's a been a tiring day for him."

Hotch rounded everyone up from around the waiting room and told them to go home and get some sleep. When Derek protested, Hotch persisted, reminding him that they had to work the next day. Eventually, Derek relented and bid his teammates goodnight.

* * *

The next three weeks were relatively uneventful in terms of work, but everyone missed Dr. Reid's presence in the office. Morgan bitterly thought to himself that he probably missed Reid more than anyone, because everyone else had visited with, or at least talked on the phone with Spencer since the hospital. Everyone except for Derek. It wasn't like Derek hadn't called. He had called a grand total of eighteen times by the time the three weeks were up. Hell, he had even gone to Reid's apartment a couple of times, but received no answer at the door. At first, he tried to give his friend the benefit of the doubt, but something told him that Spencer really didn't want to talk to him.

Luckily, the team sensed Derek's tense demeanor, and no one mentioned his declaration at the ambulance. In fact, everyone except for Emily kept their distance from him, apparently afraid he would break down or snap at any moment. Emily didn't mention the incident, but she tried to keep his mood up and invited him out a couple of times in the hopes of distracting him. It wasn't very effective, but Derek appreciated her commitment to the cause.

When that third Monday finally rolled around, everyone was relieved to have their best brain back in action. Morgan was the last to arrive that morning, and he practically bounded over to Reid as soon as he spotted him, forgetting for a moment that he was a bit miffed with the genius. "Reid!" he exclaimed as he ran.

"Good morning, Agent Morgan," said Reid in his most professional tone of voice, without looking up from his book.

"Hey! Kid, you're back!"

Reid turned a page in his book and replied, "Yes, this is when Hotch asked me to be back."

Morgan ignored the snarky tone the doctor had adopted. "Well, I'm really glad you're here. And so is everyone else. Hey, um, why didn't you return any of my calls during the last three weeks?" He tried to keep the waver in his voice in check. "We could've...I could've kept you company.

Spencer's eyes shot up from his book to meet Derek's, and the anger in them was not at all what Derek had been expecting. After what he'd said at the ambulance, Derek had let his mind play out a handful of different scenarios about what would happen when he finally saw Reid again, including a gentle let-down, a lecture about fraternization in the workplace, and, what he was ultimately hoping for, confirmation that his feelings were returned. He had even prepared himself to share his feelings again if Spencer hadn't heard him. But none of those predictions matched the fire in the genius's hazel eyes.

"Why didn't I return your calls? Hmm, let's see. Well, I guess I just didn't see any reason to call and let you know I was doing alright, because you didn't seem to see any reason to tell me you loved me before I was literally on my deathbed," he snapped.

Derek dropped his eyes to the floor in shame. Then, he bit his lip and said softly, "You heard me?"

Spencer continued as if he hadn't even noticed Morgan had spoken. "And can you imagine if I had died? The last thing I would have heard from one of my colleagues was that he loved me., specifically that he 'has been in love with me for a long time and just had to tell me before it's too late,'" he recited. "Do you know how selfish that was, Derek? Do you know how selfish you are? To want the last words I hear on this earth to be 'I'm so goddamn in love with you Spencer, and I can't lose you before I tell you.' It's pretty damn selfish. And here's another egocentric thing: You confessed your love for me, but with all your stupid pride, you could only say those words at a time when you knew I couldn't respond. When I wanted to say that I love you too. When I wanted to tell you so badly, but they closed the fucking ambulance doors before I could. What does that say about you Derek Morgan?" He wiped roughly at his eyes, which were red and full of tears, took one more look at Derek and walked quickly to JJ's office with his arms crossed and his head down.

"Fuck," was all Morgan could manage to say after Reid walked away.

At the next desk, Prentiss had her earbuds in, but Derek knew there wasn't any music playing, that she was trying to eavesdrop inconspicuously. On another day, he might have chuckled and jabbed her in the arm, but now he just sat down in his chair and rubbed his head, as if he could somehow calm his thoughts through a head massage.

Emily made a show of noticing that Spencer had left before removing the earbuds. She was about to ask what was wrong as nonchalantly as possible, but Derek stopped her. "I know you were listening."

She looked sheepish for a moment when she got caught, but her expression turned quickly to one of concern. "What are you going to do?"

"I have no fucking idea, Prentiss. I mean what can I do? he made it pretty clear that he doesn't want to talk to me."

"Yeah, but he also said he loves you," Emily reminded him.

Derek looked rather wistfully at JJ's office, the door to which Spencer had nearly slammed a few minutes earlier.

Prentiss sat up straight in her chair. "I've got a plan," she stated. "I'll got tell JJ that Hotch wants to talk to the both of us, and before Spencer leaves the office, you go in there and fix this. Okay?"

Morgan didn't look very hopeful that he would be able to fix this, but he agreed anyway and followed Emily to JJ's office.

She knocked on the door while Derek stood to the side, out of sight. "Hey, JJ,: she began when the door opened, "Hotch said something about a case he wanted us to consult on. I think it was for the Portland PD."

The blonde evidently thought this was a plausible scenario and followed Emily out of the office after telling Spencer she would be right back. As JJ walked out of the office, she jumped in surprise when she noticed Morgan standing next to her doorway. "Geez, Derek! My heart can't take many more of these scares."

Derek gave a half-smile and muttered an apology as the girls walked away, before approaching the door to her office. Spencer stood in the doorway with his hand on the knob, ready to close the door at any moment. "Can I please come in?" said Derek, his voice quiet and filled with guilt. Spencer must have heard the remorse that laced the other man's words so he let go of the doorknob and backed up so that Morgan could join him in the room.

Pleased that he had gotten this far, Morgan paused for a moment and looked at Spencer. His tie was loosened and his sleeves looked like they had been shoved up to his elbows, instead of how they were usually rolled. He had obviously been crying to JJ- Derek hoped she had said something in his favor- because his eyes were watery and his nose was a deep red in contrast with his usually pale face.

As soon as he opened his mouth, Derek could see Spencer tense up. "Wait. Don't shut me out yet. Please," Derek begged quickly. "I promise that after I'm done talking, I'll let you be alone." When Spencer visibly loosened a little, Morgan continued. "You're right, What I did was not fair. But I did have a reason. It wasn't just me being pathetic." Spencer raised an eyebrow, but stayed quiet. "The day before we left for that case, we were having a slow day, and everyone was just working on paperwork and such. You were sitting across from me, reading a mile a minute and doing that scrunchy thing with your nose. I needed to ask you a question about my report, but you were way too engrossed in your book to notice me waving and calling your name. So, I had to go over and get your attention manually. And, because I'm an ass, I chose to do so by poking you repeatedly in the shoulder, which pulled you out of your book-euphoria. To get me to stop, you grabbed my hand in yours and then you gave me a lecture on personal space while holding my hand."

"I remember," Spencer cut in, "I was shot, but not in my hippocampus, Derek."

Morgan nodded, but he needed to continue, otherwise he would never get this all out. "Then, you let go of my hand and answered my question, except I wasn't paying attention because I was distracted by the lingering feeling of your hand in mine. I wanted to hold it again, really badly. Like I said...before they...took you away...I have been having these, um, feelings for a couple of months now, but that day I decided that I had to do something about it. So that night I planned a date for the two of us. I even planned how I was going to ask you. I was going to do it the next day, but we got called on a case early in the morning, and that hardly seemed like an appropriate time. I figured I would ask you when we got back, but then you got hurt, and I panicked because I was afraid I would never get another chance to tell you how I feel. That's not an excuse, because I still did a shitty thing, but it's a reason, and I know you like reasons. I just thought maybe if you knew the reason, you could possibly forgive m-"

And then Spencer was kissing him. He kissed Derek so hard that their teeth clashed together, causing them both to wince, but not enough to break the kiss. When they finally did stop, Spencer said, "I'm still mad at you. But I really want to keep doing this."

Derek laughed for the first time since the accident. "I'm perfectly fine with that. Although it would be great if you would forgive me by Friday night so I can take you on that date. Can you work with that?"

"Only if I can choose the restaurant," said Spencer, smirking stubbornly.

Derek suspected that Spencer intended on milking his power over the older man for as long as he could, and Derek was surprisingly happy to let him. "Deal, Pretty Boy."


End file.
